On Wading

on wading

I'm not really sure what I've gotten myself into. As I pack up for what will only be an hour or two of work, I can't help but wonder if this is really worth it. It took us an hour to get out the door, with a movie, coloring books, snacks, and more in tow. And now, as I sit in traffic, in the rain (praise God for that!), I almost can't believe it.

Why are we going to church for a meeting mommy?
Well, because I'm going to do a little bit of work for them.
For what?
To help make their children's ministry really awesome.
Can we go there a lot?
Yeah - I think we will be going there a lot.

We had a feeling God sent us here for something - something more than David working at Harvard. That is a big enough reason to move - but once we got here, we realized there was something else going on. Little did we know that God would put me - a former Director of Children & Youth Ministry - at a church that was in desperate need of someone to implement ministries for its rapidly growing population of families.

And after a lot of back and forth with God about what I didn't want to do, I timidly said yes ... For now. Not forever - but for right now, okay.

So here I am ... Going back to work ... Very part time ... Temporarily. They continue their search for the right person, and in the meantime, I step in so that things don't fall through the cracks. I am exhilarated. I am excited. I am terrified.

Because even though it's something I've done before, I'm still a little bit out of my comfort zone. I'm not quite ready to "go back to work." I'm not sure I'm ready to do what it is God might be calling me to do.

Ministry was my life. It was my lifestyle - it was my passion - it was my heart's greatest desire. The kids that I worked with - they will always be forever special to me. They were "my kids" before I had kids. They taught me how to love. How to nurture. How to listen. How to pray. How to serve. They taught me how to lead. How to be a faithful adult, and at the same time, a loyal friend. They uplifted me and fulfilled me. And it was one of the most amazing times in my life.

But that was then. And this is now. Now I'm a mommy. A mommy that loves staying at home with her littles. A mommy that knows their tiny days wont last forever. A mommy that loves to spend her time cooking, and baking bread, and exploring, and teaching, and gardening, and living a simple, quiet life. And I'm just not sure how to do both. How to BE both.

But here I am - stepping a toe in it once again. God has been pulling, pushing, ever so gently. I'm not quite ready to jump all the way in, but I guess I can wade a bit. Because sometimes wading is the only way to start.

<a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/iN6FWLaWqKs">Photo Credit</a>

Faith, FamilyCrystal Rowe